Lovers, do you want to know if your loving works?
Are you turtle doves or just a pair of –
Well-intentioned dopes with no long-term hopes
Then check how you do with the single folks.
See, commitments’s not selfish, that’s rotten, that’s rancid,
the love from a couple yes, is romantic but it’s also
effusive, seductive, substantive and when at its best
that seduction’s expansive.
Are you a steady source of fun
for those sans plus ones?
Do you find a third wheel stable
Or tap teetering toes beneath the table?
When you feast with lonely friends
Do they laugh and laugh again?
But when they’re in the loo,
They pray the world to end?
If that last feels familiar, you fear it might be the case?
Well, here’s some advice that’ll help you save face:
We “Unwanteds” prefer pairs that can handle their liquor,
Who don’t snicker or bicker or titter or
or lick each others
In front of us.
Don’t do that.
It’s gross, honestly.
Enough to kill off a rhyme.
Please, if you’ve done it.
Don’t do it next time.
When your solo buddies stick, it means you’re not a –
alone together and, sure you are two but when
it works it’s a singular view for jaded old hacks to
stare at your backs as you walk down the aisle and feel
warmth not denial ‘cause as a two you’re no trial or vulgar nor vile
merely twin beacons that mark the edge of a smile.
And some day should you find our presence unbuoying
Perhaps our poems too cloying?
Or that we’re just plain annoying
Don’t blow your lids.
It’s all just good practice
For when you deal with your kids.
Written for Lauren & Mark, The Mighty Mighty Foxcrofts.