Not So Beautiful Burnout
As a bathroom specialist might say after a sale, I’m officially all tapped out.
It’s taking me a bit longer to recognise it, because I’m better at being functional these days, but my mind is far from fizzing. My ups and downs which used to be exhausting spikes now are waves that swell and crest. The highs aren’t as intense but last longer, and with the lows you only realise it’s there long after it’s arrived and playing itself out. A bout of tiredness tiredness turns into apathy turns into a lack of empathy and with it no creativity. I’m not having ideas, I’m not connecting with people or ideas, I haven’t picked up a camera, the drive has blunted. I still write but, honestly, I couldn’t say I’ve written something worthwhile, let alone with a subtext, for the last month. If I keep it together together till end of April, I’ll be able to focus on running for a while.
The rest of this week, I’m researching The Oath, and next week I’ll be rewriting the treatment. I think there’s enough ideas there for me to see that project through. My quasi week off starts on the 8th, and it will involve reading lots of books, going to the cinema, taking photos and, hell, maybe even a few late nights playing video games. Rock and roll. Who needs a beach?