The more I spend time with a certain type of people, the more I feel completely debased, like I’m an wandering idiot who doesn’t know what they’re doing. It’s not their fault, obviously, it’s nothing they do consciously, it just my taking away too much from the situation. I’ve kind of grappled with this before, and the fact it’s still an issue is ludicrous, but it’s reached an intensity now that I either cut them out of my life or try and get out of my head some.
The latter is preferable, even if I’m not really sure how to do it by myself. This feeling might just be the come down from a great couple of weeks of such certainty. Ugh. It’s an entirely a validation thing, but more on this in the morning when I’ve filtered it through my sleeping self. No doubt a vomit tinged dream is on the cards…
EDIT: Morning! Thankfully, no puke dreams, and up at 6.38 as usual for no explainable reason.
Ok, I think it comes down to a belief that the minute you can’t tell a person how you feel about them, they stop being a friend. A good friend, anyway. That’ll do for now.